PAINFUL JERKS AFTER BREAK-UP
Attachment becomes disease after your loved person goes away from you. Your heart and mind both crave of his presence which painfully crumples your heart to the extent of death. It tears your heart into any size of pieces it likes, sometimes it becomes boiling water which gives painful blisters to your heart, and sometimes it cuts your heart with cold sharp sword with no bloodshed. Sometimes the sharp needle pricks your brain and heart in any way it likes. Attachment you have for that person becomes so strong wishing for his return promptly. Mixture of emotionsin your heart squeezes every little love from heart to take out the juice of confession that you are missing him desperately but it fails as ego drinks that juice of confession back to heart.
It forces your eyes to search his presence, it forces your hands to write about him, it repels any tasty foods, and your heart undergoes multiple pains every moment. But the person who goes through betrayal field should be so strong to fight the unjust treatment. The person has to pretend so perfectly as if nothing is happening to her heart and mind. It is not easy to let go of someone whom you have groomed and loved so much in good terms. It is not simple to hate a person right away whom you have loved so much when there were butterflies in your stomach. It is not easy to withdraw from the arms of person where you have embraced only warmth. You gets addicted to the person you have loved so much. Addiction is cruel, it forces your mind to keep that person 24/7 in your brain even when your heart frequently bleeds only pains.
Your brain is only filled with the thoughts about only one person. No entertainment serves as distraction to delete his presence from your mind. Sometimes it is questionable of how an unseen feeling called love can make someone to keep someone in her brain for 24 hours? How she can keep on talking with him without his physical presence? How your mind keeps on thinking about him in every little thing? He clearly resides in your brain as if your brain a home for his existence , as if your brain is owned by him. His smile roams around your brain and he laughs nastily saying that your brain is my resident, your brain is my property, and your mind is my personal place. Your mind keeps on picturing his face, your ears only hears his soft and sweet words and your body always yearns for his presence even after knowing that he has cheated you, he has betrayed you, he has played with your feelings. It is inevitable to hate that person at that moment.
It repels every delicious food. Your stomach begs for food; but no taste you get in your tongue as all the taste bud is taken away by his presence. He resides in your brain and he wants that food also leaving you with hungry belly. Your stomach suffers from starvation, organs in your stomach starts fighting and sometimes you also hear thundering sound from it, so in order to let others not to hear that thundering sound you forcefully swallow half plate of food, or you let sweet tea to enter to your starving stomach.
More than talking with others, you start talking yourself, sometimes you motivate yourself saying that pain is temporary, sometimes you say, 'Shall I go back to him and scream that why did you leave me with uncontrollable pain?' But again you remind yourself that you will never confess those painful feelings to him even if you get the punishment of death. You will happily give away your life but never confess hurtful feelings to him. You decide to suffocate and bear the pain. You scream yourself but you never let him know that he resides in your brain for 24 hours even though he had broken your heart.
When you are completely fallen for that person, you expect him to return to you every second. You wish that if love is a miracle, he could hear your feelings without being spoken. You want him to leave everything completely and come back to you. You wish he treats you like he did before. You expect him to come back and torture you as he did before. You want him to ask about how you are doing? You want him to look at you when you are even away from him. You want him to message you every day even with no reasons. But he will never know about your expectations when you completely try to be total stranger. You cannot let go of the man that you truly loved but cheated with you. When you cannot hurt woman of your kind you keep on acting and pretention becomes your coated acting. And your expectations cannot be fulfilled but you smile that you made another woman laughed and happy with your hidden suffering.
When you put the soul of understanding before your feelings, it becomes a disease that cannot be cured. Do you think disease of understanding exist in hatred? You have watched movies of love winning over family, you have read the novels of love winning over woman to woman. You have heard and have seen love destroying families over families. You had seen love wins over every obstacles but disease of understanding make you lose over hatred. You cannot not fight over feelings of hatred which resides in your heart so strongly. It crawls, walks, runs and jumps in your heart as his name, as his appearance but I cannot put it into action when you know that you cared a man who was already owned by another woman. You choose to tear yourself into pieces to give another woman a long-life real meaning of love. Man can divide love for women that he comes across in his life but you do not want woman like you to have divided love. You want any woman to have her love in complete manner. You break yourself self to put another’s heart into one.
Hurts is disease of indescribable pain. Every second you will suffer from pain in your chest, pain in your brain, current of pain in your bones, weakness in your soul. You cannot describe in accurate way with what you are suffering but you suffer every second. You cannot stand your strength to see the person happy in front of you whom you trusted passionately but all you can do is to pretend that you are absolutely perfect in condition. You cannot even tell your doctor of which pain you are undergoing and how much painful your disease is…. You cannot describe with appropriate words.
-Aprihensle Kimum
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